The description in the above title can be fulfilled with this important process, “Identify Your Obstacles”. You will be shown the significance of this process, its steps as well as the rationale behind some steps in this article.

It is common for people to want to identify and overcome their obstacles. The common approach is to focus on developing skills that they show to be lacking in but crucial in their fields or pursuit. Apart from obstacles arising from a lack of specific skills like playing a sports, presenting a topic, developing a software, designing an art, etc, obstacles can also arise from weaknesses related to personal qualities like being too assumptious, lacking patience, showing a lack of resilience, inability to read between the lines, poor self-confidence, etc. This article emphasizes on the latter.

This process of identifying and overcoming your obstacles arising from weaknesses related to personal qualities involves uncovering the underlying personality traits behind those weaknesses. This allows you to gain awareness and be in better control of your exhibition of those traits, allowing you to avoid bringing obstacles to yourself, and also to exhibit those traits appropriately to give you an edge. The uncovered traits can then bring your other unknown weaknesses or obstacles to your awareness, which you can now overcome.

Truth is, it is impossible for anyone to be totally clear with one's obstacles or weaknesses and the underlying traits behind them. After all, the average person is only approximately 2% conscious. In other words, most of us have 2% of our thoughts (logical/emotional/etc) surface enough for us to easily be aware of their existence. The other 98% requires us to dig deeper into imploring ourselves in order to bring them to awareness. This process of self imploring allows us to identify our obstacles and weaknesses related to personal qualities.

Compile a list of weaknesses you have. These weaknesses from the list can come from both past & present, as well as both your own & others' perception of you.

Choose one of your weaknesses, on your list, that comes up strongly to you. Come up with contributing current traits (or repeating behavior/thoughts/feelings/etc) to form a list of correlating traits for this particular weakness. Keep going through this process until you feel satisfied with the list you have or until you have exhausted the traits that you can come up with. Reflect on how these traits correlate to your chosen weakness.

From here, set an intention for yourself to identify and overcome your obstacles that can arise from that weakness by mentally disentangling yourself from the things that are necessary. These things that require you to disentangle yourself from include the chosen weakness, the list of correlating traits, and the correlation between the traits and the weakness, etc.

After setting the intention to identify and overcome your obstacles that can arise from that weakness, is the part that most people, coaches included, miss out. This is a very crucial part that allows your weakness contributing traits to transcend into your strength(s). If this part was not in place to begin with, the implication would be possibly a dismissal of your gemstones as dust rocks. This part is to be non-attached to the notion that the chosen weakness and those identified weakness contributing traits are correlated to one another.

At this point, in case you start feeling that you are contradicting yourself by setting an intention to identify and overcome your obstacles and being non-attached to the notion that the chosen weakness and those identified weakness contributing traits are correlated to one another, you need to recognize that there is a fine line between cautioning against a personality trait / personal quality / characteristics / etc from hindering you and being overly attached to the notion that the personality trait / personal quality / characteristics / etc would hinder you. Using the analogy of the potential dangers, of holding on to a handgun, to oneself and one's loved ones in the event of negligence discharge, if this person is overly attached to the notion that a handgun will cause negligence discharge and cause unwanted harm, to the extreme of being unwilling to own one when he lives in a dangerous region well-known for frequent cases of criminal assaults and that he can legally own one to protect himself and his loved ones from unwanted dangers, he would be more vulnerable to unwanted dangers than he needs to be. By being non-attached to the notion that possessing a handgun imposes risks that outweigh benefits, he can more rationally assess the situations in the appropriateness of owning one.

The analogy in the previous section can be used to understand why whatever traits you believe to be hindering you may very well give you an edge. That is very common in any tool that is a double-edged sword. A handgun, for example, can both protect one and one’s loved ones from danger and also put one and one’s loved ones in danger. The same can be said for the type of love shown by someone with narcissistic abuse tendencies. Often times, the aggressor's way(s) of showing love gets twisted by some notions/thoughts/beliefs/past experiences/etc that he stays overly attached to despite those notions/thoughts/beliefs/past experiences/etc being no longer serving him or others with either the passage of time and/or a change in circumstances. This results in the aggressor making the victim adopt ways/opinions/styles/etc that are irrelevant to or incongruent with the victim, out of love, contributing to the victim’s demise. An aggressor at present might have been a victim in the past while a victim at present can be an aggressor in future. Oftentimes, the aggressor and the victim share a relationship such that they are parent and child, teacher and student, trainer and trainee, superior and subordinate, mentor and mentee, etc.

Just as holding on to something in a non-attached manner allows yourself and your loved ones to be free from being held back by whatever you hold on to, holding on to the notion that the chosen weakness and those identified weakness contributing traits are correlated to one another in a non-attached manner allows you to better caution yourself against showing those traits in ways that hinder you while allowing you to portray them in appropriate manners during appropriate times.

After setting intention to be non-attached to the notion that the chosen weakness and those identified weakness contributing traits are correlated to one another, identify more weaknesses from these traits and add them to your list of weaknesses compiled at the beginning of this process.

This concludes one cycle of the obstacles identification and overcoming process. The cycle can then be repeated for as many times as needed in one shot or throughout multiple sessions spread over a period, by either recycling the updated list of weaknesses from the previous cycle or going through the process of listing out your weaknesses again, to the point of satisfaction or a point of your weaknesses no longer being updated when going through this process. Generally, going through another cycle within one sitting would lead you to recycling the updated list of weaknesses from the previous cycle you just underwent. Going through a first cycle from a subsequent session can start off with you either referring to the updated list of weaknesses at the end of your previous session, or going through the process of listing out your weaknesses again. Should you choose the latter, it does not mean that your previous efforts put into your obstacles identification and overcoming process are wasted. Instead, the experience from your previous session would probably allow you to rephrase your weaknesses in ways that better serve you.  

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